Awareness: Diary extract 1

This isn’t a guru-type post. It’s not a post where I tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, what you should think or how you should live your life. This is simply a very real, raw and honest account of an experience I had. The experience itself may not sound super mystical and extraordinary but its effect on me was exactly that, mystical and extraordinary.

The reason why I’m sharing it is in the hope that it may be of value to someone out there.

Diary extract:

Thursday 29th November – 3:02AM

What an early time to write. The best time, some people say. It’s when the noise of the world quietens enough for us to hear that inner voice. That’s not exactly why I’m awake though.  I’m basically having another episode of anxious insomnia… again! I’ve been tossing and turning with no success. Then, at precisely 2:59AM the TV went on by itself, with no image but just a light grey background, bright enough for me to open my eyes and see it and then it went off. And now the red light keeps flashing. This has never happened before. I was startled but I wouldn’t say scared. If anything, I felt a relief, that I’m not alone or at least I didn’t feel alone in that moment. Just trying to figure out what I was thinking about before this happened…I’m not quite sure but I sense that it was a little nudge for me to get up and write about the insight I had last night, well tonight. I was laying in bed with a head full of thoughts and then a kind of wave of clarity washed over me and suddenly I became aware that these thoughts being like a line of laundry, each piece of clothing representing a thought. The image of millions of “laundry lines” just zigging and zagging from every direction popped into my mind. These lines of thoughts are just passing by, they aren’t even mine! That one insight was enough to detach me from thoughts in that instance and see or more accurately,  realise, that all those “I’m this, I’m that, I need to do this, I should do that” they are all just thoughts. And they may very well not even be mine! – meaning that they are not originating from my essence/higher self/soul. That garbage ain’t mine, thanks! And then I became aware that this awareness that I’m having right now is actually who I am. The feeling I got at this moment can most accurately be compared to the feeling of relief. What a relief! To experience what its like to be you minus the judgements, minus the stupid thoughts going on in your mind all the time… talk about relief!! I think this is the first time in my life I experienced ME and was aware of it. And it was so good, it was so so good! Then, sensing an opportunity in the air, I asked the question, “what is the best way for me to navigate this world?” and the response I received by the brilliant, bright, intelligent, wise and loving self that is ME was “just be present in the moment, be aware of what is happening and simply respond to what the situation calls for and allow the energy to flow”. This makes sense to me as I’ve experienced this flow many times before especially when I’m at work and in the flow of things and have no time to consider myself and preoccupy myself with thoughts about what I might look like or what someone might be thinking about me. I am simply in the moment or more precisely I am the moment. I’m simply responding to what the moment calls for. This is when I do my best work and this is when I feel at the height of all heights! And then, in a glimpse, another wave of clarity washed over me. This time much more powerful and intense. The message was clear and it was “This is what you want! That flow. The feeling of the energy flowing through you. This is who you are and this energy flowing through you is what gives you life”. So I guess our job here is to get to know ourselves really well and find out what gets us into that flow and do that. And when you’re in that flow, no effort or motivation is required. No “hard work” is necessary because you’ve got the energy that creates worlds flowing through you, you’re powerful and you’re smart and you’re creative and when you project all that into what you are doing, that’s when miracles happen. That’s when you are fulfilling your potential and that’s when you’re living your best life!

 

1 Comment

  1. Mariya
    December 4, 2018 / 10:46 am

    Beautiful.

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